Get More Out of Your 1-1s as a Manager
When I first became a manager and started doing 1–1s, it didn’t feel like a good use of time.
I was doing them how some of my previous managers were doing them, which was about once a month or so. Since my bosses at the time and I rarely talked, the conversations were somewhat awkward and we’d quickly move on to status updates and perfomance feedback.
Even for the ones that were more structured and had a prepared agenda, it was strictly informational and they could have easily gotten what they were looking for via email. Sometimes the meetings felt like a to-do item — just something to check off as part of the duties for the month.
They weren’t using 1–1s as effectively as they could and I was unfortunately on the path to making the same mistake. But then I realized: hmm… maybe it could be done better.
Since you’re still reading, I’m assuming you can relate to some or all of this. So let me ask you, have you ever wondered: how can I use my 1–1s more effectively so that I could build engaged, high-performing teams?
I wondered it myself at one point so I figured I would save you the trouble and share you my thoughts.
Don’t Make It Just a Status Update
Although 1–1s are a good time to get an update on how projects are coming along, one of the things I realized is that it shouldn’t be its only purpose.
1–1s are a perfect opportunity to make sure that you’re aligned with your team. The mindset coming into one should be about building trust and strong relationships with each individual and making sure there are no obstacles to their success personally or professionally.
When you have this goal in mind, the conversations should starting feeling less awkward, cold, and impersonal. It should become the start of something… magical. Just kidding. But seriously, it would be much better than before.
Have It More Frequently
So let’s forget about work for a second and think about something.
Do you generally have stronger relationships with people you talk to once a month? Or once a week? I’m hoping you answered once a week.
Although it is possible to establish strong relationships with people you talk to infrequently, it is definitely much easier (and quicker) when you talk to them more frequently.
Yet, there are many managers who choose to have their 1–1s once a month or even worse, quarterly. Since they haven’t been able to establish a relationship with their team members, that blocked-off time becomes an awkward conversation of old status updates and trying to recollect issues that have long passed.
I like to have 1–1s as suggested in The Effective Manager (great book btw) which is to schedule shorter, but more frequent sessions. For me, this was 20 minutes with each team member once a week which I thought was a great cadence for getting to know people well and have very good awareness of what’s going on.
If you’re in the same office together 40 hours a week, managers should aim to stop simulating the conditions of a long-distance relationship.
Feedback Can Be Positive, Ya Know
Giving feedback to team members is an important part of making sure everything is on track and making sure they are aware of expectations.
However, if the feedback given is always negative feedback they will be conditioned to think that it’s the only thing you ever notice — something that’s not good for trust, respect, and/or morale.
Another thing I like that is suggested in The Effective Manager is to occasionally mix in giving ONLY positive feedback in a 1–1 session, especially when you’re first starting off and establishing a relationship. Whether you are giving positive or negative feedback I also like to ask for permission first.
- Do you mind if I share some feedback with you?
By asking, it prepares the other person to accept feedback more openly or opt-out if they are having a rough day. People like having choices.
Don’t Make It Just About Work
While we’re talking about establishing relationships, let’s ponder another question. When you meet up with your friends, do you only talk about work?
I hope not. I would hope that you engage in conversation about other topics such as what’s new with them, what their goals are, etc.
Likewise, during 1–1s with your team members don’t view them just as employees but rather as real human beings— you know, just like your human friends. Ask about what’s going on with their lives, how they are feeling, and what their problems are. Show genuine interest in them as a person.
Not only does this establish a relationship, but knowing about their personal life can also help you address anything that might be affecting their professional life. I personally like to start off the 1–1 with this type of conversation first before moving on to work-related items like status updates and feedback.
Improve Them, Improve Yourself
In my opinion, the fastest way to grow and advance is by learning from other people.
If you want your team to be as productive as possible, you should manage for performance and also mentor for development. During your 1–1s, you should pick their brains, coach them to emphasize their strengths, and help them work around their weaknesses.
Learning doesn’t have to be a one-way street, however. You might be their boss but it doesn’t mean you have nothing to learn from them. The opposite is true and even more so if your team is a blend of people with different characteristics. Additionally, you should be trying to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you.
Since you’re already meeting up for 1–1s, why not take advantage of the situation and learn something by engaging in deep, collaborative conversations?
For example you could
- Ask them how they would approach a problem you have thought about and compare the solutions and thought processes.
- Pick a quality they have that you like or a skill you know they’re good at, then ask them for advice on how to acquire it.
- Get feedback from them, and in particular, solicit negative feedback. Throw away your pride and ask if there’s anything you can do better as a manager and as a person.
Not only are you using your 1–1 time to learn and improve yourself, but you are also establishing trust and relationships at the same time.
Learning from other people gives you valuable information about how their mind works, what motivates them, and a bunch of other things that can be leveraged so that you can become not just a good manager, but a good leader as well.
Engaged, High-Performing Teams
When I realized that I could get more out of my 1–1s by shifting my purpose to building trust and strong relationships, the difference was night and day.
I started having real conversations — stimulating back and forth dialogue — that was meaningful and productive. Both parties frequently walked away feeling like they learned something new, personally and professionally. Since we learned about each other, we also learned how to work better together and the team’s productivity increased overall.
By using the time scheduled for 1–1s more effectively, you can transition from something that feels like a to-do item to check off for the month to something that builds engaged, high-performing teams.
Do you have any tips for getting more out of your 1-1s? Please let me know in the comments section below!